A Matter Of Pride
by NeverQuitDreaming
Summary: James Potter left for Paris 1 year after graduating, leaving his old life behind. 2 years later, Lily is stressed, single, and trying to balance her life. After certain events, the two are forced to deal with what happened and work together. Slightly AU
1. Chapter 1

_If I was JK Rowling, I would have written a much longer prequel. All the characters belong to her. _

**Edited: December 2011 **

A Matter Of Pride

Chapter 1:

Chatting with old Mates

A short, petite woman with bright red hair piled on top of her head sank down into a ratty, faded yellow couch with a sigh. This was the first time in a week she was able to sit down and breathe. Between the odd hour shifts in St. Mungos, the secret, random missions for the order, and the horrible nightmares which followed, sleep became a luxury Lily Evans rarely enjoyed. She planned for tonight off months in advance, after all, it was her birthday, and all she wanted was a nice hot bubble bath and to read the book of Complex Charms one of her professors had given her as a gift for Graduation three years ago.

Dorcas Meadows, her flatmate, was off on something or other for the Ministry; Lily smiled ruefully, thinking that it was perhaps all the better. Since Hogwarts, the pair of close friends had drifted apart, and now saw each other at Order meetings, or on the rare event that they were home at the same time.

Just as she opened the leather cover of her book, a loud crack resounded off the walls of her flat. Acting on instinct, she grasped her wand and shot a nonverbal spell at the source of the sound. Heart pumping, she got off of her comfy chair and crept up to the man who she stunned. He had fallen face first, and so Lily ignored the smell of him (which was really quite horrid), and turned him over. A choked sound pushed its way out of her throat as she saw the face of her intruder.

He wore his hair much longer and a bit more ragged than when she last saw him. His skin was tanned and peeling, from many days of tracking or running outside. His cloak was rather dirty and ripped, and his clothes hung looser on his frame than she remembered. However, his eyes remained the same stormy grey color.

Hastily she muttered the counter spell. It was only then she noticed how badly her hands were shaking.

"Well hello to you too, Lil! I see your reflexes are as brilliant as ever. However, you didn't even make sure I was the real Sirius! What would Moody say? Constant vigilance, Evans!" He smoothly picked himself off the floor and flashed a grin. As he straightened his grimy shirt, Lily noticed that his posture was as flawless as always.

"Sirius, when did you get back? Sorry 'bout the stun, you startled me." Lily chose to ignore his jibe.

"I just did. I remembered it was your birthday and wanted to stop by to see how you were doing." He shoved his hands in his pockets and smiled awkwardly. The pair stood their frozen for a moment, unsure what to do. With everything going on, they hadn't seen each other for three months. Regaining her senses, Lily closed the space between them first and wrapped her arms around him. He hesitated for a second, and then squeezed her back much tighter. It was then she realized how much she missed this boy. She missed his dark and rather twisted humor, his teasing smile; his hugs that made her feel a little bit safer. After a while, they let go.

"It feels like forever since I last saw you, and all the boys! Come on and sit down and fill me in on what's happening," she gestured toward the old couch.

"Do you want a butterbeer?" She asked as she wandered to the kitchen.

"Acutally, I brought something a little stronger." She turned around and saw Sirius produce two bottles of Ogden's finest firewhiskey. She lifted an eyebrow.

" I'd fancy not to be utterly smashed while I'm putting people back together." He stretched out, putting his muddy trainers on her wobbly coffee table.

"Always the kill joy. More for me then!" He said as he expertly popped the top off of one. Rolling her eyes, she came back to her favorite couch, sat down and curled her legs beneath her.

"So what's been happening in the exciting life of Sirius Black since we last chatted?" He shifted uncomfortably and downed half the bottle without flinching before he answered.

"Eh, not much. Besides adding some new toys to my motorcycle," His eyes sparkled at this thought, "nothings really happened. You know how it is, the Order takes up a lot of time."

"Oh believe me, I know. So there is no special lady friend then?" Lily grinned and waggled her eyebrows, "Because I've been getting some vibes from a certain blonde haired witch in the order meetings-"

"Then you must have been misreading them." He cut her off quickly, his voice betraying no emotion. She frowned.

"What about Peter and Remus? How are they doing? I haven't heard from them in weeks." At this, his face hardened, his grip on the bottle tightened. Lily thought that it might break.

"Remus has been in and out of werewolf packs, trying to "convince them to join us", you know. I wonder about him though. I think all of the talk of equality with Voldemort may be affecting him. And Pete?," He let out a dry laugh, "He's happily busy with his new promotion, I don't hear a lot from him either," They sat in silence. Lily bit her lip. It seemed laughable to think that Remus could be a traitor, yet...She mentally shook herself, driving all thoughts of possible betrayal out of her mind.

"I do have some news though. But I don't know if you want to hear it right now, on your birthday and everything." His voice was strained, and Lily noted that his knuckles turned white as squeezed the bottle even harder. Her stomach dropped.

"Who died?" Her voice was dull and hollow sounding. So many had been lost, muggle and non muggle alike. More than ever, she wished for those sunlit days at Hogwarts, when they thought the war would end soon, that Voldemort's reign of terror was a bad dream, when they thought fighting in the war was honorable and glorious...Sirius barked out a harsh laugh.

"No nothing like that Lily," He paused and took a swig of firewhiskey, "Its bloody brilliant news." He spat out angrily. She frowned in confusion. Reaching in his pocket, he pulled out a torn, folded thin piece of paper.

"Read it." Lily took it and opened it gently. Her heart stopped.

**Potter Engaged To French Prime Minister's Niece**

She read the title of the news article over and over, not comprehending the meaning. Then she felt it: Pain, terrible, ripping, searing, pain in her chest. She couldn't breathe. The black typed print swam in front of her eyes, and she couldn't seem to look at the picture of the happy couple.

"Lily? I am sorry. So bloody sorry." Warm arms went around her.

"That bastard." She laughed weakly, slowly putting herself back together, bit by bit. No tears had managed to fall yet, a fact she felt very proud of. She pulled away from Sirius, still clutching that scrap of newspaper.

"I knew you don't get The Prophet anymore, so I wanted to let you know before you saw it somewhere else." He said gruffly. Lily took a deep breath.

"Thank you. How long have you known?"

" Just today. Found out in the _ paper!" He said a rather colorful word. Something didn't seem quite right in Lily's head.

"Why didn't James tell you himself?" It was the first time in two years she said his name aloud. It left a bittersweet taste in her mouth. Sirius barked out a hard laugh.

"I haven't spoken to James in a year and a half. One day he got in contact with me and explained that letters were unsafe, apparition was impossible with all the wards around him, the floo network in France was being watched, and he said to only use the mirror if there was a great emergency. If getting engaged isn't an emergency..." Lily sat in shock. In all the years that she had known him, friends and family always came first. He'd break any rule, face the threat of Azkaban, sacrifice sleep, food, anything for them. It was something she always admired about him.

"That doesn't sound anything like James. Since when did he let rules and regulations stop him from anything?"

"Since when did James ever give up and walk away?" Sirius countered. She bit her lip at that and focused her gaze at the white carpet. It only reminded her how badly she needed to clean today. Sirius sighed and pushed the hair out of his eyes.

"I don't understand it either. I keep on wondering what else he hasn't told me. When he has his first kid will I find out in the paper too?" Lily flinched slightly and Sirius pretended he didn't notice. He went to finish the bottle off, but she snatched it out of his hand and poured the liquid down her throat. _So much for a nice relaxing bubble bath_. The empty painful in the pit of her stomach lessened somewhat as the firewhiskey did its job.

Sirius smiled grimily at her, popped the top off the other one, and raised it in her direction. "Cheers Lil."

_A/N: Hate it, love it? Tell me what you think. Any Theories? Review and I'll update faster._

**Please do not favorite/alert without reviewing!**


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm not Jk Rowling, if I were, the epilogue of the last book would be a lot more informative. All characters are hers._

_Thanks for all the reviews and alerts! I really appreciated it!_

**Edited: December 2011**

A Matter Of Pride

Chapter 2:

Desperate Hopes

Lily stumbled into her flat half asleep with her red hair mostly out of its perfect plait she did earlier to keep it out of her face, a pounding headache, and lime green robes smelling like dead fish and sulfur because of a young boy who threw up on her as she gave him a potion. Every spell she tried throughout the day seemed to only make it only more pungent. She had made plans earlier that day to burn them in a fire, but now her nose must have died as she fell face first on her wonderfully lumpy couch with no thought of changing.

"'Lo Lily. I was wondering when you'd get back in. How was work? Any exciting stories?" She simply turned over on her side, idly wondering why on earth she was dreaming about Dorcas Meadows.

"That good eh? I always told you that you should have been an Auror. Never a dull day, unless you have to do paperwork. No joy in that." Lily snorted. She couldn't imagine Dorcas shut up in a little cubical, painstakingly filling out all sort of forms.

"Lil? Did you just snort? I can't believe that! Perfect, proper Lillian Evans snorted like a fat, dirty pig at me!" Now she was intrigued to see that even in a dream, Dorcas Meadows was able to insult her. Perhaps, Lily mused, over the years she sustained permanent psychological damage from all the abuse she's had to put up with. Maybe one day she will snap and become a serial killer. That would explain Voldemort! She made a note to herself to share this at the next Order meeting.

"Ahaha! I can't believe that you just said that out loud, 'Note to self, perhaps Voldemort became a mad killer because he had to deal with a lot of insults over the years and just snapped'. That is the oddest thing I think you've ever said! I'm going to have to write that down." Slowly, Lily began to think that maybe this wasn't a dream. She opened her eyes, with some difficulty, and saw, much to her surprise, a rather pallid, dark haired woman with big brown eyes sitting in her purple rocking chair.

"Dory? What in merlin's name are you doing here? I thought you wouldn't be back for three more days." Lily mumbled, fighting to keep her eyes open.

"I was wondering when you were going to respond. I just had a bit of an accident and that slowed things down and so I'm back. For a while at least. By the way, do you happen to recall where the blood replenishing potion is? You've hidden it fairly well and..." She was unable to make sense of the sentences coming out of Dorcas's mouth. It all sounded like a muffled buzz to her.

"I have no idea what you are saying. Let me sleep for a couple hours and then I'll be able to..." Her eyelids slowly closed and she plunged into the blissful state of unconsciousness. Dorcas rolled her eyes, pulled out her wand, and muttered a spell at Lily. Suddenly, the redhead found herself pulled quite rudely from her sleep and rather wide awake, wet, and very, very cold.

"I hate you." She said, sticking her tongue out and flicking her soggy hair from her bright green eyes.

"Well I need to find the blood replenishing potion, Doc. Now." Lily frowned and examined her as she would a patient. The dark-haired woman was trembling, pale, and from what she could tell, very weak.

"Yes you do. Let me go get it. Why didn't you tell me sooner? I'm surprised that you haven't passed out by now." Lily said in a firm tone as she slipped off the couch, walked briskly into the kitchen and pulled open her second top cabinet on the left. There she grabbed a flask of pale blue liquid, a plastic red cup, and made her way back to the living room.

"Here," She poured half of it in the cup and handed it to her friend, "drink it quickly." Dorcas nodded, closed her eyes, and gulped down the liquid. Almost immediately color flooded into her face. Up closer, Lily now noticed her right arm which was poorly bandaged up.

"How long since you received this?" She asked, beginning to unwrap her arm.

"Oh Lily that's nothing. Just a scratch. I'm a big girl; I think I can take it." Lily raised an eyebrow as she continued to unwrap it.

"Nothing doesn't send you home from a mission. A little scratch won't..." She trailed off as she saw the angry, red, deep slashes traveling drown her friend's arm. The longest running several inches above her elbow all the way to her wrist. There were seven in all.

"These look infected." Perhaps if the two were closer, Lily would've demanded to know the entire story, but as it were, she bit the inside of her cheek and silently went back to the kitchen and opened another cabinet, this time bringing out a bottle of yellowish greenish liquid. As she daubed it gently on Dorcas's cuts, the smell of it made her eyes water. Dorcas flinched at the sting of it but her clenched jaw and no whimper was heard.

"You know Lily, you really smell awful." Dorcas announced wrinkling her nose.

"It's the ointment." Lily said defensively as she began rewrapping her wound.

"No I don't think it is. I noticed it before you brought it out. You also are pretty peaky. Are you alright?" Dorcas's brown eyes searched Lily's face for a second.

"I'm always pale, Dory. It comes with being a redhead." She said with a grin.

"Yes I know, but you seem paler than your usual paleness." Dorcas winced as Lily accidentally pressed her arm too hard.

" Paler than my usual paleness? It is winter you know. That's what tends to happen." Her lips twitched upwards as she finished with the bandage.

"Now, you need to change this wrapping at least three times a day-" Her tone changed to something not unlike Madam Pomfrey's.

"Lily please,"

"—and reapply this," She shook the bottle of yellow greenish liquid in Dorcas's face, "each time. Try not to do a lot of strenuous activity, and you should be okay in about a week."

"Tell me what's wrong." Dorcas said, disregarding Lily's instructions as useless babble.

"Well, that's quite a long list isn't it! More people are joining death eaters everyday, Voldemort is gaining power, people, muggles and magical, are dying 'mysterious' deaths and The Prophet is just printing out lies that they have just disappeared, we can no longer count on the ministry, and-", Lily was now pacing the small distance between the living room and kitchen door, tugging on her hair quite viciously.

"FINE!" Dorcas yelled over her red haired friend's mindless ramble. She rubbed her face wearily, "Don't tell me what is truly bothering you, "Lily opened her mouth to protest, "No! I don't want to hear about all the world' s problems. Keep it all locked inside of you Lily. That's what you always do anyway. I'm going to bed. Happy late birthday by the way." Dorcas brushed past Lily, heading for the door to her room.

"James is engaged." She said quietly, taking a deep breath. Dorcas stopped, cocked her head, and waited for the inevitable rant. It didn't come. She turned around and saw Lily calmly looking out the window at the cold, miserable drizzly day thinking how perfectly it described how she felt.

"And?" Dorcas prodded. The redhead looked back at her curiously. "I know there is an and in there somewhere." Lily smiled and for a moment it was like they were back in Hogwarts and Dorcas was trying to extract Lily's true opinion of James. But only for a moment.

"And nothing. I'm not daft. I knew that at some point he would eventually find someone else and want to get m-married, and I never expected him to suddenly come back and that everything would magically be like he never left. I'll be okay." Dorcas looked at her doubtfully and Lily smiled once more. Her face hurt from all of this forced cheerfulness.

"What does she look like?" Dorcas asked, sitting back down into the rocking chair.

"I don't know. Probably beautiful. I haven't had a chance to look at the picture yet." Lily retreated back to her couch, and managed to keep her voice casual.

"You have a picture? I wanna see!" She bit her lip and found the now crinkled piece of newspaper by her feet and handed it to Dorcas. She couldn't even look at it. The brunette took it eagerly, studying the picture closely. "Yep, looks just like him. Hasn't changed at all." Dorcas handed it back to Lily, and reluctantly she held it. A part of her wanted to set flame to the object that caused her so much pain. Destroy it and maybe it won't exists. Maybe it won't be true.

"Aren't you going to look at it? You can't tell me your not the least bit curious." She glared up at Dorcas who smiled sweetly back. With a deep breath she glanced down, and felt all her half-wished secret hopes shatter, and the lurking feelings of regret and pain crash down with reality.

_So Hate it? Love it? Favorite parts? Please review and I will continue to update faster. _


	3. Chapter 3

_I am not, never will be, and surely never was Jk Rowling. _

_Thanks to all who reviewed!_

A Matter Of Pride

Chapter 3:

Haunting Memories

_Its all Dorcas's fault_. Lily thought for the thousandth time as she walked as quickly as she dared with a large glass flask of orange, lumpy liquid through the crowded halls of St. Mungos. She ignored the usual unnecessary comments of all the portraits she passed, letting the constant thud of her steps on the wooden floor drown them out.

"Mix essence of squid with a cup of sea water and a teaspoon of calming draught, dear, that will surely fix the dark circles under your eyes."

"You really mustn't walk so fast Miss, that could create quite the mess."

"What put her in such a mood?"

She finally made it back to the ward she was over and saw her trainee for the day, Eddie Thompson, holding a bucket under a little boy's head, catching the multicolored lizards the poor kid burped out, vanishing them occasionally. The unfortunate child was pale, shaky, and tears dripped off his cheeks, following the lizards into the bucket. The mother of the boy rubbed his back and as she saw Lily, smiled in relief. The redhead conjured a plastic cup, uncorked the flask, and poured the potion, being careful of the amount.

"Will that stop the lizards?" The mother asked as the child emitted a particularly large maroon one with a pitiful groan. It fell into the bucket with a loud thump. Lily, the mother, and Eddie stared at it for a second.

"It should," Lily averted her gaze from the lizards and met the boy's eyes, "Davy, this potion is going to be unpleasant. I need you to try and get down as much as you can." Lily handed the cup to him, and he grimaced as the chunky liquid slid down his throat. She nodded and turned toward the mother who was wringing her hands.

"Davy's throat is going to be very sore for a while. I'd recommend not feeding him any acidic, salty, or particularly rough foods for at least a week. Soft foods, like ice cream and pudding would be best. Give him a spoon of this," She pulled out a small bottle from her healer's ropes, "every morning for three days and that should heal any cuts or scrapes in his mouth. Other than that, he should be fine. Just remember to be extra careful next time with where you put your wand from now on." Lily watched him for a moment, making sure he really was done burping up reptiles. "I think he can go home." Eddie put the bucket on the floor.

"Thank you so much!" The woman said as she took her son by the hand and led him out of the room. Lily let out a weary sigh.

"Alright Lily?" Eddie asked, his pale blue eyes studying her closely. She replied in the affirmative and began checking on the rest of her charge. Out of all the trainees she's had to work with, Eddie's by far her favorite. The difference between him and Amber, the loud, crude, gossip of St. Mungos was a large one. It also helped that he was rather good looking with his clean cut blonde hair that never stuck up in the back or resembled a mop in any fashion, his soft half smile, his broad shoulders and muscular build. Yes, Lily mused with a grin, he was definitely good looking. And not at all like James.

James. She curtly explained to Eddie that she was going to get a cup of tea, and slammed the door behind her harder than usual. And it was with little grace she apologized to her fellow healers as she accidentally bumped into them in her hurry to get to the fifth floor. _Stupid Dorcas. Look at the picture, Lily. Aren't you curious? What would it hurt? _She found herself stomping up the stairs to the tearoom, and due to the many complaints of the portraits hanging on the walls, she tried to step more softly.

Now she couldn't seem to stop looking at the blasted thing, studying the future Mrs. James Potter and of course James himself. How many times had she pulled the scrap of paper out and crumpled it into a ball to be done with it, only to flatten it back out again? It was pathetic. She stopped and let a couple pass by her on the stairs, frowning at their intertwined hands. Cursing herself under her breath, she reached deep into her robes, and brought it out once more. Lily slumped down on the stairs.

There she was. Danielle Levesque. Even her name made Lily feel inferior. Her light blonde hair was cut fashionably at her chin, her posture impeccable, and had an air about her of class and elegance. She wore a short black dress with very high heels with ease, something Lily could never accomplish. Her bright green eyes drifted over to the man the woman was clutching so tightly. He seemed older, more mature, more of a man than the brilliant, pert boy she once knew. Gone was the familiar crooked grin, replaced with a mouth drawn in a firm line. She noticed once again with twinge of bittersweet pain, that his unruly, always ruffled hair remained unchanged. Every now and then, the blonde would lean over and whisper in his ear and the flash of the cameras glinted off her ring and the rims of his glasses. Then the traces of a smile would touch his face for the briefest of seconds. The boy she knew and loved grew up, a feat she never believed possible.

The redhead suddenly laughed at the picture of herself, pitifully draped on the stairs, clinging to a scrap of wrinkled paper. Shaking her head at her own melodramatics, she walked up the remaining steps to the tearoom, pushing the paper back into her robes.

She went up to the counter grabbed a cup of tea and then sat down at the nearest empty table. With her elbows propped on the sticky table, she couldn't help but think that Miss Levesque wouldn't even consider committing such an act of bad manners.

Sipping her hot tea, slurping a little just to spite these thoughts, she observed the rest of the people in the tearoom. Next to her, sat a family of three talking animatedly and gesturing to each other with their cups, tea splashing out on the table. She smiled and her gaze went to the bald man on her left. He gripped his ceramic cup tightly with one hand, while the other was otherwise employed in keeping his head upright. Her eyes flicked over to the table next to his, and she froze mid slurp. There sat the couple she let pass her earlier.

The girl had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He had his hand tangled in her long hair, looking at the patterns etched in the table with a gentle smile. They couldn't have been more than seventeen. Her breath caught in her throat. She continued to watch the pair, unable to peel her eyes away as images of another seventeen year old boy and girl flitted through her mind. She was so stupid then. All proud and stubborn. Always pushing James away, never letting him see how much she cared for him. The girl woke up, ducking her head, blushing. The boy withdrew his hand from her hair, and bent down to whisper something in her ear.

Lily closed her eyes, millions of memories replaying in her head. When was the last time she felt as safe and happy as the girl two tables away from her? Weeks, months, maybe years ago? Was it all the way before she and James ended it, almost three years ago? She squeezed her eyes tighter. Even now, she can't remember what or who even started that fight. He was just walking her back to her flat. It started off harmless, a little jab here and there, but it quickly escalated. Soon their teasing, light insults became painful and unpleasant. It was one of their worst fights. It got physical, with Lily crying as she blindly punched, pushed, kicked and slapped him, and James took it, shoving back occasionally. They went too far. When Lily finally saw it, James had taken a step back, face white with anger and his hazel eyes shining with more than fury.

"I'm done." He said, levelly, clearly and then he disapparated, leaving her crying in the street. She stumbled home, and for the next week she waited for him, for his half mumbled apology, his hesitant hug. It didn't come. Two weeks after, she now expected him to show up at her door with some bouquet of flowers, but instead, Sirius came. Trying to convince her to go and speak to him.

"Why haven't you done anything? Do you really want to make things right? Because if you do, you need to get off your bloody arse and go beg for his forgiveness. Because I don't think he's coming back this time, Lil. He's been mad as hell for the last week. Every time I mention your name he'd throw whatever he could as hard as he could, but lately, he's numb to the whole thing." Lily laughed at Sirius then. Saying how James always comes back and apologizes. So for the next two months, she waited, acting like she wasn't scared. That she didn't consider Sirius's advice every other minute. At the order meetings everyone was trying to pretend too. They kept on waiting for the famous couple to make up. Three months after the breakup, James received an offer to go and finish auror training in France, and work for the ministry there. So with nothing holding him back, he left. Without even saying goodbye. Without telling her he was leaving. Four months after the breakup, she was in denial, pretending not to get nervous as more days past without a letter from him. It wasn't until one year passed that she started to accept the fact that he wasn't going to write.

Lily Evans opened her eyes and took a deep breath, steeling herself. Pushing her half empty tea away, she checked her watch. Now she had to get back to her ward. Eddie could only handle so much without her. She stood up quickly, making the chair scrape the tile floor. As she walked out of the tea room, she dropped a scrunched up bit of paper in the rubbish bin, leaving with it all the regret, the pain, and the fragile hopes concerning a forever messy haired boy.

_Thank you so much for all of the reviews! You have no idea how it keeps me motivated to write. This chapter probably wouldn't have been up for another month or two without them. So please continue with the support. "Grey Sky Morning," by vertical horizon, "I'm not who I was", By Brandon Heath ( I think), and "I'm still here" by vertical horizon are the songs that first inspired me to write this. Check 'em out! _


	4. Chapter 4

_Unfortunately I cannot take credit for the incredible world of Harry Potter. That is all Jk Rowlings. _

**Edited: December 2011**

A Matter of Pride

Chapter 4:

The Days Ahead

Lily Evans hastily pushed open a creaky door to the dingy bathroom of the safe house she was staying in. She stumbled over the ragged rug and leaned heavily over the sink. Quickly, she turned on the cold water and began scrubbing her forearms ferociously. She muttered a curse as large blisters began forming. How many times had she written and underlined in her notes to never spill essence of Dittany because it has adverse effects on undamaged skin? Now she searched through years of memory to remember what exactly to do next. Her eyebrows furrowed as she let the water course down her scorched skin.

Did she soak a bandage in a soothing salve and then wrap it around her arms and treat it like a burn, or was there a spell? She chewed on her bottom lip, staring down at her red arms like she would a patient's. It certainly acted like it was a burn, probably second degree.

"Soothing salve it is, then." She said aloud, nodding to herself. She glanced at the grimy mirror and winced at the image of herself. The woman staring back at her had greasy hair pulled into a severe bun at the top of her head (which could rival a certain transfiguration teacher's). New lines were etched around the corners of her eyes and mouth; her lips were cracked and bleeding. The old, black t-shirt from a concert she saw years ago now was baggy on her thin frame and when paired with her bright green eyes in the dim light, it had the unfortunate result of making her skin take on a sickly hue. It had been a rough few days.

Lily closed her eyes, partly to erase the image before her, and replayed the past day's events. Three days ago she was in the middle of her lunch break when she received word of what happened in the form of Emmeline Vance. She was brought down to the main lobby by one of her superiors who garbled on about how sorry she was for her loss. Confused, Lily chose not to say anything. Once she caught sight of the petite, dark haired, grim looking woman, the situation became a little clearer. The pair hurried out of St. Mungos and it wasn't until they were out of earshot of the muggles Lily broke the silence.

"What happened?" Lily asked, her whisper seeming much louder in the deserted alley they just turned into.

"Ambush from what I understand." The redhead looked at her sharply, but Emmeline had her gaze focused ahead resolutely. They picked up their pace, almost running to the apparition point.

"Who?" The question hung in the air for a moment as Lily prayed it wasn't Sirius, Dorcas or Remus.

"Alice, Moody, and Fabian." An intake of breath. The dark haired woman's lips tightened. They were both rather close with Alice.

"Mission goal?" They had only a few feet left until they reached the point.

"Get the injured out of there and to a safe house. The portkey is this old red scarf." Vance gestured at it wrapped around her neck and then dropped her gaze to her wristwatch. "We have ten minutes." The pair made it and after an uncomfortable second they arrived a little ways off from the fight and ducked behind a snowdrift. Their presence was not noted yet. Hastily Lily cast a heating charm, cursing her stupidity for not changing out of her thin healer's robes. Emmeline Vance was doing the same. She appraised her surroundings, and was not surprised to see that they were at an old farmhouse.

She guessed that one of the Death Eaters inherited it from their family and then handed it over to Voldemort for his use. That was not an unordinary occurrence. The area was flat and offered little coverage. Snow covered everything, making the dullest color pop against the utter whiteness. From where she crouched, she could only see the backs of swirling black cloaks and the occasional bright streak of light. The only possible way to go unnoticed was if she was able to get to the back farmhouse unnoticed and then sneak along the wall. It was about ten feet away. She would have to run for it. Of course then she had to try to find the injured and she had no idea where to look.

"Evans, come back here. Did you really think that you could just waltz through without anyone noticing? We have ten minutes. We can not afford any time to go and fight. In order for this to work we can't be seen! " Emmeline hissed at Lily as she edged away from the snowdrift. A little harder than needed, Vance tapped Lily's head with her wand. A wet, cold sensation seemed to drip slowly down her neck, shoulders, back, all the way to her feet. She looked down where her body was supposed to be and saw nothing white snow. The effects of the disillusion charm.

"Bugger. We have eight minutes now. Come on, and be quiet." Lily followed the sound of the crunch of snow and the little footprints Emmeline made, sometimes dodging jets of colored light as they got closer, praying that no one else noticed. Vance decided to go along the front of the house, instead of the back as Lily had planned, which gave them a side view of the fight. Lily paused when she heard Sirius's loud bark like laugh and searched for him among the flashes of light and long, billowing cloaks. He was diagonal from her, and he and a pale, heavily lidded, tall woman seemed to dance around each other with identical maniac grins. _Bellatrix._ Lily noted that she was the only one of the Death Eaters who had shed their masks.

Not too far from Sirius, Remus fought two Death Eaters, lithely dodging the jets of light, sending back his own in return with his own vicious smile. It was only ever in battle when Lily could believe that her friend truly was a werewolf. As she continued to creep by, she was able to hear Sirius and Bellatrix taunting each other.

"So Bella, how goes the marriage? I'm curious if you've told Rod yet of your little obsession with Voldy-Moldy? How has he taken it I w-" Bellatrix screamed and slashed the air with her wand sending a jagged, blood red stream of light toward Sirius. He laughed and casually cast a shield charm, but it passed thru and hit his arm. His laughing stop abruptly and Lily saw the snow turn red around him.

"How dare you desecrate His name! How dare you even speak it so carelessly! You are not worthy of that privilege!" She screeched, making Sirius flinch. In her rant she gradually closed the space between them.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. I understand your pain. But I'm not the one who has not given you the privilege," His voice dripped with sarcasm at that word, "to call him Voldemort. I mean, how can you, his most loyal," Again he made his distain very clear, "follower not be able to call him by his name, but I, a dashing, clever, young insurgent refer to him in terms that are-" Bellatrix now poked his left cheek with her wand, and with her other hand she grabbed his bloody arm and licked the thick red liquid. Lily Evans stopped and disregarding her need for secrecy, shot a nonverbal full body bind curse at Bellatrix. She fell to the ground with a satisfying thump, leaving Sirius flummoxed as to who sent the curse.

"Evans! What are you doing? We have two minutes left! Leave the fighting to the others." Emmeline's voice hissed near her ear. Focusing on the task on hand, Lily trudged through the snow, which was getting deeper with each step. Despite the heating charm, the cold wetness was seeping through her clothing, freezing her skin. They had just made it out of the battle zone, when they bumped into seemingly nothing.

"This must be it!" Lily heard the mumbled finite incantatem from Emmeline Vance and suddenly three stretchers with three bodies wrapped in blankets up to their noses appeared. Emmeline muttered the spell once more, reveling Lily and herself again.

"We have thirty seconds left. Take the scarf and drape it over all three of them, and make sure that you are touching it too." Emmeline watched her work carefully.

"What about you?" Lily asked, after successfully completing her task.

"I am going to go help out in the fight. I am not a healer." The dark haired woman said matter of factly. Before she was able to open her mouth to protest, Lily and her three new patients arrived at the safe house.

The redhead opened her eyes, and carefully removed her arms from the cold water. Satisfied that they were completely numb she opened the door and summoned a bandage and soothing salve. After she was wrapped up, she set out to check on her patients. Out of all the three, Alice had suffered the least amount of damage. Most of her cuts and burns were almost completely healed. Fabian had a long, deep slice extending from the base of his neck to his mid section, and only a couple of burns on his face and hands, which, besides the slash on his mid section, were also healing up quite well. She had a suspicion that perhaps the cut was created by dark magic and would never heal right.

Alastor Moody was the worst. He had deep gouges in his face, third degree burns on his chest, and she had found bits of glass and ceramic embedded in his skin all throughout his torso. Lily wasn't positive she got all of them out. Most of his injuries were caused by dark magic. Despite the extent of their wounds, it did not make sense to Lily why they were still unconscious after three days of healing. If unconscious could even properly describe their state. It seemed like they were in a constant nightmare, sometimes groaning and yelling out nonsense, always restless.

Lily had refused visitors. Fabian's family found this particularly hard to understand. Molly Weasley's determination was a force to be reckoned with indeed. Lily ended up being forced to set extra security measures in the safe house. How she found out their location which was supposed to be secret... No one, Lily decided, needed to see them in this state of torture. She found it incredibly difficult to view them as strangers so she could work on them with a clear head. Moody was one of their infallible leaders, he had the most experience, and he was the most resilient.

And now he lay twisting in bed sheets, his face contorted in fear and pain. Yesterday Lily caught word that Dumbledore was working with the Ministry to acquire a very private room in St. Mungos that would have the best security. That thought is what kept her going. That she would be able to return to her old, busy life eventually.

Suddenly a horrible shrill sound went off, filling up the mostly quiet room with noise. It was the caterwaulling charm she set up. Steeling herself for the worst, she stood wand at the ready, running through millions of curses and charms for dueling. Then the earsplitting noise stopped. The door of her makeshift hospital opened with a loud creak, and out stepped a tall, old man with a long slivery beard wearing midnight blue robes with stars embroidered on the edges.

"Hello Miss Evans. How do our patients fare today? I fear I might have alarmed you." Dumbledore smiled kindly at the redhead as if it was completely normal for her to be pointing her wand at him as a greeting. She lowered it quickly and returned a smile somewhat forced.

"Hello Sir. They are healing, I believe, but only the outside wounds." She chose to ignore his comment about scaring her and moved to let him examine the three himself.

"Curious choice of words Miss Evans. But I think, unfortunately, you are correct." He looked closely at Moody's troubled expression and checked his injuries. Lily sat back in her rickety stool.

"What is your professional opinion of their continuance in unconsciousness?" He switched his appraising gaze to her, letting his blue eyes look over his half moon spectacles.

"I am not sure what caused it. It must have been some severe trauma or something...less natural. Sir, are you familiar with the muggle term coma?" She asked, one hand tugging on her tight bun.

"I am Miss Evans." Alice let out a small whimper. Lily waited a beat before speaking.

"I am inclined to think that something induced a coma of sorts. I don't know if it will leave brain damage or if it makes them unable to sense things in reality as with muggle comas. From what I have seen, it is like a nightmare that they can't wake up from." Dumbledore seemed to see pass her and after a moment moved to study the other two patients in silence.

"Sir, you act as if you've already considered what I said." Dumbledore turned from Alice and faced her once more with a glint in his eye.

"I have." Lily's eyebrows furrowed and she bit her lip.

"Then you have seen this before?" She met his gaze this time and couldn't help but feel like they were having a chat in his office at Hogwarts again.

"No, that I have not. I have heard of this before, but I can not be sure what must be done, or if my and your suspicions are completely correct until they have been confirmed." He paused and let his stare pierce into her. "I fear that the days ahead will only become more difficult. More difficult indeed." He smiled at her once more, a sympathetic, pitying smile. One that made Lily feel nervous.

"Well, I must be off to Hogwarts. Minerva will not be pleased with how much time I spent away today. Good luck Miss Evans! I can see myself out." He chuckled as he strode out of the room and shut the door behind him. Lily Evans sat for hours later, chewing on her lip, wondering exactly what Dumbledore had meant.

**AN:**___So I know I haven't updated in forever! I have been gone for the past three weeks, and then when I was away I suddenly came up with an idea that completely changed the plot (made it so much better) and I have been improving it and adding new things here and there. Anyways, I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. I found that I love writing Bellatrix and Dumbledore, and so hopefully there will be more of them. This chapter is approximately 1,000 words longer than my usual so consider that as my peace offering! You have no idea how the reviews have helped me write this! It probably would have been much longer without them, so keep them coming! This chapter really begins the whole plot line! I know it was very James- less but she has just 'purged' herself of all the regret she feels for him. Chapter five will have James! Anyways, thanks for all the support, and please review. I really appreciate it! _


	5. Chapter 5

_I am not JK Rowling. Everything is hers. _

A Matter Of Pride

Chapter 5:

The Calm Before the Storm

"The days ahead will only become more difficult. More difficult indeed." Dumbledore's smile twisted into a cruel smirk and suddenly the blue eyes that were so familiar changed into scarlet slits. Ropes bound her arms, dragging her to the ground, forcing her wand from her hand, and left her powerless. This was the end.

"Lily?" She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and instinctively found her wand. Her face was pressed against a hard, sticky surface covered with the smell of Earl Grey tea and ink. Which is not very typical of holding cells.

"Lily?" The redhead straightened and found, much to her relief, that she was in the tea room of St. Mungos, not being held captive by Voldemort. She turned her attention to the hand on her shoulder and discovered that it belonged to a blonde haired, light blue eyed man.

"Eddie? What are you doing here?" She relaxed the grip on her wand.

"Well you never came back after your lunch break. I assumed that you had," He leaned closer to her, his eyes scanning the room, checking to see if anyone was in earshot, "other business to take care of. But your shift will be over in exactly, "He glanced down at his watch, "five minutes. So I decided that I better remind you. Good thing I did too." He chuckled and then flushed once he realized how close he was to her. Lily didn't notice. She hastily jumped up and began gathering up the many sheets of parchment she had fallen asleep on.

"I am so sorry that I left you to deal with the ward by yourself! I only meant to be here for a moment. I didn't sleep very well last night. Did any of the superiors come in?" Eddie backed away slightly to give her room as Lily tried to shuffle all the pieces of paper in a neat stack.

"A couple did, but I covered for you." She faced him, holding the mound of papers in her arms. One got loose and floated to the ground by his feet. He smiled and picked it up, catching the words dreamlike and stable condition penned in her loopy handwriting.

"Thank you so much! I owe you one!" She said to him as she hurriedly made her way to the staircase. Eddie watched her go, smiling softly. It had been a week since the three Phoenixes were transferred to St. Mungos. Two weeks since the ambush. Because of the recent loss, any further missions were put on hold for the moment. The meeting today would decide if the Order would continue, and Lily was determined not to be late for a change. Because she was the only Order member who worked in St. Mungos, she was charged with the task of reporting on their current condition. All through her lunch hour she wrote and rewrote so many drafts, and at this point, rushing down the many flights of wooden stairs to get to the witch's locker room to change, she was considering winging it. Sirius would be proud of her at least.

While it was good to be back home, out of the high stress atmosphere, not having the weight of three of her friends' lives on her shoulders, she couldn't help this nagging voice in the back of her mind that said this wasn't over with. She couldn't stop the nightmares. She couldn't shake the feeling that this was just the calm before the storm. Lily Evans was becoming paranoid. Every time a door closed she jumped. Every time she went into her apartment, she expected to see Dorcas bleeding all over her favorite chair protesting that she was all right. Every time she stepped outside she watched for an attack. Any moment now she'd start yelling "constant vigilance" and carrying around her own flask, she thought with a sad smile.

It was waiting around for something to happen that drove her mad. It felt like watching her mischievous five year old cousin with a bright red balloon, Lily decided. You never know when it will pop or how exactly he will manage it, but it's inevitable and there is nothing you can do to prevent it. You can only stare at the boy with his wicked grin and try to steel yourself for that moment when the thin latex membrane is punctured, and all the air trapped inside rushes out, leaving the mangled, red, flat, skin behind.

The redhead arrived at the locker room, and quickly traded her lime green robes out for a pair of worn muggle jeans, a light grey long sleeve shirt, her black peacoat, and a lovely blue scarf she had gotten from Remus for Christmas. Lily then preceded to stuff the papers into her large brown tote bag. She thanked Merlin that she had thought to take a shower this morning and had plaited it into one long thick braid to keep off her face as she worked. Her fingers rapidly unraveled the braid, letting her hair fall into natural waves down her back. She glanced into the mirror as she made her way out and felt that for the first time in a month, she looked halfway decent.

Lily found the back exit door, wishing for the millionth time that they could use the fireplaces in St. Mungos for more than just emergencies. _Bloody Budget cuts._ She stepped out, and after only taking a couple steps, was nearly trampled by a rather plump muggle woman with very red lipstick and very large teeth. Her husband was trailing after her, carrying at least five different shopping bags. He smiled apologetically at Lily as he passed, grunting in response to his wife's continuous babble. Lily wondered idly as she started walking again, if the woman ever had a speech impediment.

After dodging at least ten more muggles, Lily finally reached a safe apparition point. Picturing a small summer cottage, Lily took a deep breath and turned on her heel. With a pop, she was knee deep in snow a couple feet away from her target. Looking at the home, she was reminded of her first meeting here. She whispered to James right before they went in, saying how she wasn't sure it could hold them all. He snorted at her, then threw his arm around her shoulders and laughed as he told her that there was indeed such a thing called magic. She blinked and forced her thoughts away from that summer where it was green, alive and full of promise, and refocused on the present. Finally getting to the faded red door, she tugged her scarf a little tighter around her neck and turned the cold metal knob, wishing that she remembered gloves.

The redhead sighed as a wave of warmth engulfed her the second she came in, slowly returning the feeling into her numb fingers and the tip of her nose. The entryway was painted a lovely pale yellow and a coat rack stood in one corner with a patched, worn brown coat accompanied by several others. Lily touched it as she hung her own on a hook and smiled. Remus was here. She made a note to herself to invite him and Sirius, and maybe Peter to a pub afterwards to catch up. With Dumbledore's responsibilities being Headmaster and his random, secretive trips, he was often absent for Order meetings and very rarely involved directly in a mission. Because of that, Mad-eye Moody had always naturally assumed the leadership position. Now that he is indisposed, there had been rumors that perhaps Caradoc Dearborn or Edgar Bones would fill that void. Lily hoped that Edgar would. Caradoc, while brilliant, lacked a certain charisma that Edgar had. Lily turned into the meeting room and saw that most everyone had arrived. She spotted Sirius talking quietly to Remus at the end of the table, and went to take her usual seat on the other side of him.

"...no I haven't heard or seen much of him lately, but that's not saying a lot since I haven't really seen anyone besides the half mad werewolves I've been spending my time with." Remus's voice took on a note of bitterness.

"Who are you talking about?" Lily asked as she sat down.

"Pete." Sirius said carefully. The glint in his eyes reminded Lily of what he had told her not so long ago.

"He's probably just late. You know how he is with time. Remus, its so good to see you! How long before you have to leave again?" She said, changing the subject. Her gaze was drawn to the long cut along Remus's jaw and her fingers itched to fix it.

"Nice to see you too, Lily. You look quite lovely today. I think I have until friday." He grimaced. She smiled sympathetically, and glanced at Sirius who had gone quiet, as had the rest of the room. Thinking Dumbledore had stood up to start the meeting, she bent down and pulled out a piece of now crinkled parchment paper and a pen to take notes. Then she heard it. _Thump, thump, thump_. The sound of a person walking across the carpeted floor.

"I don't believe it." Sirius mumbled, more to himself. Lily faced him to smirk victoriously, guessing that it was Peter, late yet again like she said he would be.

"He always did like dramatic entrances." Remus said softly, shaking his head. Lily found that an odd thing to say about self conscious Peter and still smiling, twisted around to greet him and flinched, banging her knees against the table, creating a loud boom that resonated throughout the room. Deeper than the sound of a balloon popping, she couldn't help but think. Instead of the pudgy, short, watery eyed man she expected to see, there, walking across the room with his gaze resolutely fixed forward was James Potter. She fought the urge to throw up.

**AN:**_ Did you hate this chapter? Because after all the time I have spent on this one, I have no idea if its any good. I really didn't plan to end it right there, it just kind of happened. I know this one seemed like kind of a filler chapter, but it really sets everything in place for the next one, which I am super excited to write. Review and it will encourage me to write and update faster. Thank you to all who reviewed the last one! I really appreciated it. Hopefully, the next one will be next week. Or maybe even sooner, if you review. Just saying. _


	6. Chapter 6

_Nope, not JK Rowling, everything is hers. _

A Matter Of Pride

Chapter 6:

Surprise

Hestia Jones sneezed quietly, groaning to herself as she proceeded to blow her nose for the thousandth time. All she wanted was to curl up on her couch, sip some hot chocolate, and watch sappy muggle movies on her TV. She felt disgusting, with her greasy hair covered by a knobby, faded yellow hat she knitted several years ago, wearing one of her dad's bulky sweaters, and feeling like she was stuffed with mucus up to her eyes. Hestia couldn't help but glare at perfect Lily Evans, looking absolutely beautiful as always. She didn't have to worry about snot dribbling down her chin. Lily Evans always had someone to sit next to. She wasn't constantly looked down upon as the naïve, ignorant newbie. As the outsider.

At least Alice was always nice to her. But then again, Alice was nice to everyone. However, she happened to be in St. Mungos, and Hestia couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt as she realized that while she was indeed scared and worried for Alice, she was also mostly sad for herself, now that she had no one to talk to. It was much harder than she had thought, being three years younger then most everyone, five years younger than Caradoc, Benjamin and the Prewett brothers.

She doubted that most of the Phoenixes even knew her first name.

A loud creak interrupted the rest of her pitying thoughts. She glanced at the door, and then was forced to do a double take as James Potter filled her vision. Instantly, she forgot all about her runny nose, the fact that no one takes her seriously, and her lips curved into a smile as she took in his broad shoulders, brooding brown eyes. She noted with surprise that he wore a pressed, button up white shirt, perfectly straight red tie, and black slacks with ease. Yes, James Potter was just as delicious, possibly even more so with his new polished look, than when she last saw him. As he passed Lily Evans, she tried to cover her laugh at the loud bang and rather startled look with which the redhead gazed up at him, while he didn't even glance at her. Sirius's face hardened and Remus simply watched his approach with that calculating stare of his.

Not exactly the homecoming one would expect from close friends, Hestia couldn't help but think. Could it be possible that James hadn't told them he was coming? Why on earth did he show up now at all times? She heard the excited murmurs now, and watched as James sat on the left hand of Dumbledore, Mad Eye's usual chair.At this, Hestia finally took her eyes off of him, glancing around to see if anyone else caught that_._ Caradoc and Benjamin traded looks, Marlene raised her eyebrows and also was smiling quite broadly, Gideon tilted his head to one side and began turning to Fabian's empty seat, then stopped jerkily. Frank seemed completely unaware of his surroundings, reminding Hestia of a wizard without a wand. Lily remained frozen, eyes wide and roaming over his person, lips pressed together tightly. Sirius scowled, leaning back with his arms folded. Remus raised one eyebrow, glancing at Black. Dumbledore stood up and opened the meeting.

"I am pleased to see that so many of you were able to make it today. Many of you are familiar with the rumors that, due to recent events, the Order of the Phoenix may be disbanded." Hestia finally took her eyes of the drama playing out before her, and turned her attention to the tall, weary, wizard standing in front of her. "I have indeed thought much on that subject; however, we will press on. As long as there is some small hope, we must fight. We must never give up. That is what Voldemort expects. We must stand firm and united in our cause: To protect not only the wizarding world, but also the muggle world, from Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters." His piercing blue eyes sought out each face for a moment. "Each of you voluntarily joined for that purpose. You were informed of the hardships, the risks, and the pain that could come from this." He paused, letting his words sink in. "There is no turning back." His mouth was set in a grim line. "Miss Evans, your report, please." He sat down in his chair and Hestia watched Lily Evans as she bit her lip and stared down at the wrinkled parchment in her hand.

Quickly, the mousy brown haired girl flicked her eyes over to James, and was slightly surprised to find him staring intently at the table, face completely devoid of emotion. As she had been quick to find out, the whole Lily and James break up was a taboo topic and to be avoided at any cost with the Phoenixes. From the vague, short answers she was given, the only thing clear was that James went to work for the French Ministry. If he kept in contact with her and that extremely close group of friends, more like brothers, and what exactly happened between them, was all up to speculation. There had been a small rumor that James had recently gotten engaged, but with the ambush and everything, that was pretty much all that was said. Who he got engaged to was never brought up. Lily Evans cleared her throat and began.

" Alastor Moody, Alice Mcgever and Fabian Prewett all suffered serious injuries because of the ambush. Moody received deep gouges on his face, third degree burns covering his..." Hestia studied the redhead as she spoke robotically, going into Healer mode. In first year, she remembers quite clearly, Lily standing up in the middle of the Great Hall, and dumping a pitcher of pumpkin juice all over a certain, impertinent messy haired boy, and then charming a giant rain cloud to follow him all throughout the day, occasionally shocking him with lightning, all because he had referred to her as 'that hot bird, who's a bit of a grouch." Which was why, she managed not to grasp any meaning from Lily's report, and spent the time gobsmacked, wondering how in Merlin she was able to keep her composure with James Potter in the room, sitting just a couple feet away from her.

"So if my brother is almost completely healed, why is he _ing unconscious?" Gideon suddenly interrupted, spouting off a certain four letter word. His usually wide smile was twisted into a scowl. Lily sighed, and ran a hand through her hair, glancing at Dumbledore briefly to see if he would intervene. He seemed to be in the middle of a very important private conversation with James at the moment.

"There are certain regulations which we have to follow-" She began, but this time Frank spoke up, in a hoarse, rough voice.

"What's wrong with them?" He lifted his gaze up to her with a tortured expression. Hestia ached seeing his bloodshot eyes which spoke of many nights filled with worry and pain. The redhead bit her lip.

"I don't know yet. We've just been focusing on the wounds we can see. It would be very dangerous to them if we just try out different cures until one works because there's a high possibility that any of them could just make it worse." Frank nodded and went back to examining the cracks in the floor.

"Are we allowed to visit them now or is that something that could worsen their condition too?" Gideon asked hotly, his voice gradually increasing in volume.

"Merlin's beard! How many times have I tried to explain it to you! Yes I am sorry that I didn't allow you to pop in while they were strictly in my care. I know how hard that must have been, not knowing how he was doing. However, I couldn't bloody deal with the distraction of a distressed family member as I was trying to keep them alive! Now that they are in a stable condition, you have to follow the specific procedures set and then you can go and see them." Lily grit her teeth and tried to regain control. Hestia smiled fondly. Gideon opened his mouth and-

_Creak! _The door to the conference room suddenly opened, and for a second Hestia wondered if perhaps Voldemort himself showed up to turn himself in. After all that has happened in the past several weeks, she's decided not to rule out anything as impossible. But no, it was just short, plump, nervous looking Peter. Hestia turned her attention back to Lily, and saw her grin at Sirius, who didn't change his stony expression.

"I am so sorry I'm late! There was this giant-" Peter stopped mid-sentence, squinty eyes widening. "James! Wh-what? How-I can't believe it! You're here!" He exclaimed loudly, voice cracking a bit. Peter looked like someone just told him that the war was over. He stood there for a moment, staring at James and muttering to himself in disbelief. The messy haired man smiled uncomfortably and waved a little. Sirius and Remus winced. Hestia and many of the other Phoenixes, she noticed, couldn't help but grin at Peter's awkward antics. Suddenly, the pudgy man realized that everyone was staring at him and blushed, scurrying to the open seat next to Lily. There was an awkward pause.

"Thank you for your report, Miss Evans." Dumbledore nodded to her. "I would like to speak frankly, if I may. Until the cause is found, Miss Mcgever, Mr. Prewett, and Alastor Moody, will remain in their state and possibly worsen. There is a high chance that whatever the Death Eaters inflicted upon them, will be used again." He paused, letting his eyes graze over each Phoenix. "Mr. Potter has had experience with this matter. Which is why he and Miss Evans will construct a team to not only find the causation, but also a cure, and a way to prevent it." The room broke out in whispers, and Hestia glanced at Lily to see if her reaction. Surely Dumbledore had asked her beforehand. That would explain why Lily had taken James's sudden appearance so calmly. The color had drained out of the redhead's normally pale face and she stared at the old wizard blankly.

Then she began to laugh. Hysterically. That horrible snorting laugh that had caused her to blush countless times over the years. Tears rolled down her cheeks. The other Phoenixes silenced themselves, staring at the redhead as she leaned on Sirius, gasping for breath. James, Hestia saw, didn't look up from the table. Curiously, Lily's laughter cut off, and Hestia noticed Sirius trying to pocket his wand subtly. Hestia's left eyebrow raised. Perhaps Lily wasn't asked before the announcement like she had thought. Dumbledore concluded the meeting, once everyone had settled down, and then, after a murmured word to James, he left the room. James Potter stood up and an awkward silence filled the room.

Benjamin Fenwick broke it, standing up and walking over to him, shaking his hand fiercely, welcoming him back. Dearborn followed suit, and, with his always solemn expression, said that he hoped that he made it here without too much trouble. Marlene, with her twinkling bright eyes, gave him a hug and a teasing grin, mentioning something about him owing her a firewhiskey. Hestia knew that now that the meeting was over, she should just leave. She had no connections to James Potter, nothing to say to him. However, curiosity got the better of her, and so she sat, counting on her lumpy clothes to act as an indivisibility cloak, studying the scene before her. Lily, Sirius, Remus and Peter made no move to welcome him back, talking quietly amongst themselves.

With a smile, Hestia wondered if Lily had broken the silencio spell Sirius put on her yet.

After a while, James disengaged himself from the many questions being spewed out at him, and slowly made his way over to his old friends. Besides Dumbledore, everyone had stayed, interested what exactly James would say to Sirius. Even Frank had hung back. Hestia lifted her large purse and began rummaging around in it, to give the appearance that she was not listening to every word which was spoken.

"Hey." Peter opened his mouth to say something back, but because of the rather frightening look Sirius shot at him, he closed it quickly, his teeth clanking together. Remus raised an eyebrow at him. Lily bit her lip.

" Wanker," Sirius spit at him. James smiled tightly and ran a hand through his hair.

"Look. I know I've been a git, but I just arrived in England and I could really use a place to stay for tonight." Sirius let out a dry laugh.

"Moony, I think something's wrong with my ears. Did the grand James Potter just ask me if he could crash at our place?" He said turning to Remus, a hard glint in his eye. The room went absolutely quiet.

"No, I heard it too." Remus raised both eyebrows at James expectantly. He sighed again.

"Come on, don't make me beg." A corner of Sirius's mouth twitched upwards at this tempting thought.

"You know James, normally I would let you crash at my place, but since you're probably not used to such humble, modest little living conditions, and I wouldn't want to cause you any discomfort. There's this lovely posh hotel in downtown London, though, that would suit your tastes much better, I think." Sirius said patronizingly, standing up and walking to the door. Remus followed him, never looking back. James watched them go, a small frown on his face. Hestia felt for him. She saw Lily finally open her mouth to say something, but then-

"Lils, you comin?" Sirius asked before walking out the door. Remus still did not look back. She nodded, and with one last glance at James, stumbled out of the room on the other side of Remus. Hestia got up to leave also, and as she did so, she noticed that Peter was still there.

"Hey James, if you want to, you're welcome to stay with me for a couple days." James smiled stiffly at him, and Peter beamed back.

"Yeah, that'd be brilliant Pete. Thanks." His voice sounded hollow. Clearly, that was not how he pictured the reunion to go. Hestia brushed passed James and Peter on her way out, thinking how grateful she was that she hadn't missed this meeting.

**AN: Please read this! **_So I'm not crazy about this chapter. Sorry it took so long, I kept on changing my mind if I really wanted the POV focused on Hestia in this chapter. So here's the deal: No, Hestia is not going to be a main character in this story. But I am planning on using her view point occasionally. I used her because I thought this chapter would be much better, coming through the eyes of an unbiased Order member, and because Lily was pretty much in shock the entire time, so her thoughts and feelings wouldn't be so coherent. I really need to know how you feel about that, so its VERY important that you review this chapter, because if you really hated it, I won't do it. I SO appreciated all the reviews! Thank you so much! Also, I am thinking about maybe doing a chapter through the eyes of James, but if I do, it won't be for a while. And, for those of who have read, _**"Breaking Plates"**_ I am kinda thinking about doing a sequel oneshot, but I'm not sure. Once again, thanks to all who reviewed! I'm sorry that I'm kind of rambling here. _


	7. Chapter 7

_Nope, not JK Rowling. _

**A/N: Thanks so much to all who reviewed the last chapter, especially to LilyxJames. I am sorry that this is coming in so late, life just got in the way of things! **

A Matter Of Pride

Chapter 7:

Mature, Professional, and Rational

Lily Evans paused before entering the quaint muggle coffee shop, smoothing her windblown hair down nervously. Was she really going to so this? She bit her lip as a wave of self consciousness hit her. Could she really address James Potter indifferently, when nothing about their relationship had ever been simple and casual? When so much history and feeling lay between them?

She surveyed her appearance in the window of the shop and frowned. Earlier, before she left her flat, she had felt so confident, but now, everything felt wrong. Her dark blue jumper contrasted sharply with her red hair, causing her normally pale skin to take on a rather pasty hue. Her smile seemed too forced. The cute white headband holding her hair back, which before looked stylish and quaint, now made her feel childish and stupid. She averted her eyes from the window, taking a deep breath.

After getting over the shock of seeing him, and realizing that yes, Dumbledore had indeed assigned them to work together, Lily decided (after several large bars of Honeyduke's finest chocolate, and many vigorous cleaning expeditions) that in order for her to keep her composer while working with him, she must act mature, professional, and rational. No loud, overly emotional outbursts. No foolish remarks. No flinging oneself at him.

Lily stared at her window once more, her mouth set in a determined line. "You will not raise your voice today. You will not bring up sensitive subjects, such as his leaving, or Sirius or Remus. You will not ask if he thought about you at all. You will remain clear headed, and polite. You are independent, happy, and will retain your dignity." She spoke aloud, reassuring herself. A woman walked by her, with her two children, and snorted. Lily ignored this, nodded at her reflection, and opened the door.

A bell tingled, signaling her arrival, and the palms of her hands began to sweat, as her bright green eyes roamed the room. At the back corner of the shop, he sat, back facing her. Forcing a pleasant sort of expression on her face, she walked to the small table, trying to push away any nervous thoughts. The room was thankfully quite loud, full of many conversations, everyone not paying any attention to the redhead's approach.

" 'Lo James." She said his name smoothly, pulling out the chair opposite to him, sitting down, and found herself able to smile at him as she would an acquaintance. He stiffened slightly at her voice, but didn't lift his eyes off the muggle newspaper spread out on the table before him as he muttered a greeting. They were saved from making any other small talk, by the waitress which showed up to take their order. Her light brown hair was pulled up messily into a ponytail, some strands falling out, and Lily couldn't help but notice her eyes brighten and a small smile curve her lips, once she saw James.

"What can I get for you?" He turned to look at her.

"One coffee. Black, Please." She nodded, scribbling it down on her notepad.

"Anything else?"

"Nope." He said, popping the p.

"What about you?" She turned to the redhead, still ogling James out of the corner of her eye.

"I'd like a coffee also, with cream, and four spoons of sugar, and one blueberry muffin." The waitress nodded her head, ponytail bobbing, as she wrote it down hurriedly in her notepad, before walking away. Lily glanced back at the messy, black haired man across from her; now back to reading the paper. His leg bounced up and down, and Lily smiled at the familiarity.

"So," She drawled, needing to break the silence, "how's it feel being back in England?" She felt more confident now, continuing to picture James as just an old acquaintance she was catching up with.

"It's alright, I guess." He turned the page, pursing his lips slightly in concentration.

"Do you know when you head back?" She leaned over the table, trying to read the name of the article he was reading so intently.

"Whenever its finished." _Now you see them, now you don't, The British Birds at Risk. _Lily raised an eyebrow, doubting that he was actually reading it. The waitress returned, balancing a tray with their coffee and her muffin in one hand. Smiling at James, she set his cup on the edge of his newspaper, and then placed Lily's down absentmindedly, nearly forgetting her muffin.

"How is your fiancé doing, since you left." The words tumbled out of her mouth, awkwardly, as soon as the waitress left, and she winced. James paused as he took a sip of his coffee, and his posture became even more ridged, if possible.

"She's good, I believe." He said slowly, choosing his words with care.

"It must be hard on her to have you gone, doing merlin knows-" He cut her off, mid ramble.

"She understands the responsibilities and long hours that come with my work." Lily shifted uncomfortably in her chair, wishing that she could just shut up.

"Do you get to write to her or-" He stopped her again, and Lily bit her lip.

"I had thought that the purpose of this meeting was to put together a list of names for Dumbledore." He said coldly, studying the liquid in his cup.

"It is." Lily stuttered, all feelings of comfort and confidence gone.

"Then why are we discussing my personal life?" He sat the cup down harder than needed, causing some of the drink to slosh out on the table. Lily felt as if she'd been slapped.

"Perhaps we should get back on topic then." His voice still had a little edge to it, but stayed level. Lily tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"Of course. I was thinking of Sirius, Marlene, Remus, if he can work it out with his current task, I would say Benji, but he's pretty stressed with work right now, Dorcas can't because of her job too. Frank and Gid-" She spoke quickly, trying to forget what just happened.

"No, not Gideon or Frank." He cut her off again, and this time, Lily nearly threw her drink at him. _Mature, professional, rational._ She reminded herself silently before speaking.

"Why ever not? Frank is brilliant, and Gideon is one of our best duelers." James tapped his finger on the table and took a deep breath.

"Because, while they are both very gifted, they are too attached to the situation to think clearly." He spoke slowly, like he was attempting to explain something to a 6 year old. Lily bristled at the tone and had to count backwards from 10 to stop herself from yelling.

"I disagree. Because they are so close to the situation, they are more motivated than the others, and will not give up as easily." Lily folded her arms and focused on keeping her voice level. James ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm not saying they aren't. But the fact of the matter is, Lily, because they are more emotionally involved in this, in high stress situations, they will be irrational, act brashly, thinking with their emotions. Do you want that? Or do you want a fighter who stops, assess the circumstances, and comes up with plan, regardless of how they feel?" He spoke in a detached manner, rubbing the rim of his cup with this pointer finger absentmindedly.

"Sometimes you need to act quickly and trust your instincts. Sometimes you don't have time for a plan, and you just have to react and wing it. I would've thought that you of all people would understand that! I mean, imagine it was your fiancé lying unconscious in St. Mungos, would you be satisfied—" She lost control and her voice had gradually increased.

"You have just crossed the line. I asked not to talk about my personal life and yet..." He spoke quietly, but Lily could hear the anger in his voice. She stared at this man infront of her, with is impassive expression and indifference. This was not the James Potter she knew. This was a cold, clinical, miserable stranger in his place.

"You know what?" She interrupted him this time, "I didn't expect for us to be good mates or to really even be all that friendly today, but I thought that we could meet as acquaintances, and at the very least be civil and treat each other with respect! You've changed James." Lily stood up from the table, while James continued to study the newspaper, a stoic expression on his face. "The funny thing is though, I actually worried that working with you, being around you, talking to you, would make me fall in love with you all over again." She laughed harshly, and James looked up at her in surprise. The shop went silent. "But now I realize that its not going to be a problem." Lily met his gaze, feeling a sense of satisfaction at his baffled expression, and stormed out of the coffeeshop.

James Potter watched her leave, and soon the whole shop was filled with murmurs of her outburst, with many of the women shooting him dirty looks. He glanced down at the newspaper, a worthless prop, and rubbed his face tiredly. Placing some muggle money down on the table, he walked out, reassuring himself that he did the right thing. He couldn't go there again. It was only temporary.

**A/N: **_So what did you think about James? I really want to get 10 reviews on this chapter, since I only got three on the last chapter, so please review. And please don't favorite/alert without leaving a review. _


	8. Chapter 8

_I'm not JK Rowling. Nor is "Wild Rover" in any way mine. _

**A/N: Wow, you guys are awesome! I literally **_**squealed**_** when I saw all of the reviews I have gotten! I'm sorry this took so long, but this chapter is my longest yet, and I think it should answer some questions. By the way, please check out this link of the Pogues I found: ****.com/watch?v=afO3IQX2Qnc****. They are who "Kiss of a Banshee" is inspired of. **

A Matter Of Pride

Chapter 8:

Explanations

Lily Evans drummed her fingers on the wooden table, silently rebuking herself for letting an already pissed Sirius stumble his way over to the bar alone yet again. Earlier, she just managed to catch him as he was climbing on top of a table, pushing the plates and glasses out of the way, as the occupants watched in horror. Another time, she happened to spot him trying to cop a feel of a rather disturbed, overweight man, (she hopes Sirius just mistook him for a woman) and was able to drag him away with some half-arsed explanation, before the man regained his senses and punched him.

Sirius isn't the most sensible when absolutely smashed.

"Thank you for being such a lovely audience tonight. We are going to sing, one of my personal favorites, one I do believe many of you know, 'Wild Rover'." Lily's lips quirked upward at the deep Irish brogue, and the pub erupted in cheers. The band tonight, "Kiss of a Banshee", was quite good. Made up of a group of roguish looking boys, probably just out of Hogwarts, their voices were rough and not always on tune, but the gusto with which they sang made Lily forget their flaws.

"I've been a wild rover for many a year, and I spent all me money on whiskey and beer!" _There. _Lily saw him, clutching yet another tall glass of firewhiskey, heading unsteadily but purposefully in the opposite direction of their table.

"...with gold in great store, and I promise to play the wild rover no more!" Hastily, the redhead gathered her purse and jacket, and began trying to make her way to him through the maze of people, hoping that she wouldn't lose sight of him.

"And its no, nay never! No, nay, never, no more! Will I play the wild rover, no never, no more!" Nearly the whole pub joined in for the chorus, taping on the tables, clanking glasses together, beer splashing on the floor. Lily gave up on being polite and pushed her way through.

"I went to an alehouse I used to frequent, and I told the landlady me money's all spent." She saw Sirius talking to another man obstructed from her view, rather heatedly, and hoping that he hadn't tried to make a pass on this bloke's wife or something, she walked faster, almost to him.

"I asked her for credit, she answered me nay, such a custom like yours I could get any day!" Sirius leaned over the table, saying something Lily didn't quite catch, and spit on him. She finally made it to the table, and choked on the hasty apology she rehearsed many times that evening, as she met the gaze of one familiar, messy haired man.

"And its no, nay, never! No, nay, never, no more! Will I play the wild rover, no never, no more!" James Potter wiped the spittle off his cheek, mouth tight in a straight line, and punched Sirius on the jaw.

"You don't know what you're talking about." He said coldly, and began to turn away to leave. One hand holding his jaw, Sirius punched James in the face, and Lily winced at the familiar crack of bones. James cupped his nose, red leaking out from between his fingers, a trickle running down his wrist. The music stopped and several people began to gather around the two.

"Oi! You two! Out! There'll be no fighting in my pub!" The barman, a wizened, stout man did a complicated series of jabs and flicks with his wand, causing the doors of the pub to open, picking up Sirius and James by some invisible force, and throwing them out. After a moment of silence, the group wandered away back to their tables, and conversation returned. Looking at the door of the pub, Lily wondered if perhaps she ought to follow them, to make sure the two berks didn't kill each other.

"It's not my fight." She muttered to herself, before heading to the bar to order another drink. "They are 21, old enough to take care of themselves. They'll be fine." The redhead nodded to herself, twisting the frayed ends of her scarf between her fingers.

"What'll you have, Lass?" The barman turned to her. _He'll probably pass out in the snow somewhere, bloody and frostbitten. _

"Sorry, what?" She shook her head, trying to erase the images of Sirius. The barman smiled kindly. _He can handle himself, its not like they never fought before. _

"I asked, what'll you be having?" _But what if they duel? A drunk, angry Sirius with a wand..._

"Damn you, Sirius Black!" Lily spat, feeling nearly mad with worry, as she abruptly turned on her heel, stalking out of the pub, leaving the barman with a bemused expression etched on his grizzled face. Grimacing, she stepped out into the cold, biting wind, wrapping her scarf tighter. It was the beginning of march, and yet it felt like the beginning of February. Quickly pulling out her wand from her coat pocket, she cast a heating charm, and felt slightly better. But only slightly. Her yellow Wellingtons made sloshing sounds, as she tromped through the mix of slushy snow and ice, straining her eyes in the dark for the pair.

She glanced back longingly at the Sphinx's Riddle sign of the warm pub, tempted to return, when she spotted two dark shapes, wrestling on the ground. Lily stopped edging forward, feeling stupid that she followed after them.

"And its no, nay, never! No, nay, never, no more! Will I play the wild rover, no never, no more!" The strains of the song faintly drifted to her as she watched as brother fought brother, feeling like an intruder of some sort. It wasn't her place.

"I'll go home to my parents, confess what I've done. And I'll ask them to forgive their prodigal son!" Their movements became more languid, the loud groans more frequent, and then after a period of silence, Lily squinted and barely made out two black shapes lying listlessly in the snow. Mustering up her courage, she marched over to them, fingering her wand as she murmured "Lumos".

"Need a hand?" The bright white light caused Sirius to squint and groan; James remained motionless, facedown in the snow. "Upsie-daisy!" She said in a sing-song voice, swishing her wand absentmindedly, which forced both boys on their feet, though unsteadily. Instinctively wrapping her free arm around a sopping wet Sirius's waist, and looping her other through an also wet James's arm, she closed her eyes and focused on picturing the inside of her flat. After an uncomfortable moment, where she felt her insides squished together, they staggered into her living room.

"What I need you two to do, is just sit right here. I'll be back in a second." Lily said, untangling herself from the boys, she glanced back at them, hoping that they could do even that without too much trouble, as she headed to the bathroom cabinet.

"...Bruise Balm, soothing salve, Skele-Grow, Pepper-up Potion..." She muttered to herself, tucking the strands of her red curly hair behind her ear. Lily accidentally tipped a glass flask over, in her haste to pull out her emergency healing kit from her bathroom cabinet, and the resulting crash of glass cut the silence of her flat.

"Alright Lily?" Sirius called out hesitantly, limited somewhat by the swelling and bruising of his jaw. She smiled sardonically as she muttered "reparo", wondering if James felt that he won, in some small way, since he still managed not to speak a word since they apparated to her flat.

"Yes, I'm fine." She lifted the rather large, gaudy neon orange case, and struggled with it down the hall, into the main room and got her first clear look at the two of them. Sirius sat on a stool with his usual perfect posture, blood still dripping off his chin unto his navy jumper from his cracked bottom lip, his hands tightly fisted, making the torn flesh of his knuckles even more prominent. He kept his bloodshot gaze focused on the window, ignoring the man sitting on a similar stool to the right of him. Briefly, she smiled, noting the same stubborn stance in the bespectacled man.

After quickly casting a heating charm, to dry their clothes, and pouring two small cups of pepper-up potion, she stood awkwardly before them, struggling to view them just as patients. Lily took a deep breath.

"Right. Sirius, I'll start with you." Her voice took on a more professional tone, as she thrust the cups at both of them. _I can do this._ She opened the emergency case, and fished out two small corked bottles, and a circular, translucent container.

"Your jaw has the potential to be an issue, depending on if it is simply dislocated or fractured, but other than that, I think the rest of your injuries can be healed easily enough. If it was broken, you wouldn't sit there so calmly." She said confidently, trying to balance all three objects in her arms as she came toward him. Sirius glanced up from the window and nodded at her.

"Point to where you feel the most pain." He pointed to the area in front of his right ear, which was slightly swollen.

"Can you close your mouth all the way?" Lily watched as he tried, thinking hard for a spell she could use. Potions were completely out-he couldn't open his mouth any wider than a couple inches, and was unable to shut it. Episkey only fixed minor injuries. Several more questions later, she determined that it must be fractured and muttered, "Brackium Emendo". His jaw snapped back into place, the swelling receding greatly.

"It might be sore for a couple of days, but you should be fine." He stretched his mouth experimentally as Lily reached for the container of bruise balm she had placed on the floor next to his stool.

"I got hurt." His baritone voice, hoarse from firewhiskey and the cold, made Lily flinch, nearly dropping the balm. She focused so entirely on healing Sirius's jaw that she had forgotten (pushed out of her mind) James quietly sitting only five feet away from them. Sirius shifted slightly on the stool, his gaze never straying from the window, and remained silent. "I was two months in on an extremely sensitive mission and one night I came back to the place I was using as homebase, about to contact my superior about a lead I had gotten, and there was this parcel sitting there on a table, addressed to a Mr. J. Potter." Lily turned to him, trying to comprehend his words. His mouth twisted into a sardonic smile, his chin raised at a stubborn angle, his eyes masked by the glare on his glasses, from her fluorescent lights.

"I opened it, and then for the next seven weeks I laid unconscious in a hospital, locked into some endless, hellish nightmare." His hands tightened into fists, a muscle in his cheek jumping. The redhead opened her mouth, to say _something, anything_. "I had to go through therapy for six months before I was cleared to work." He glanced once at Sirius, who was still staring blankly out the window, trying to gage his response.

Lily unscrewed the cap to the balm, dipped her fingers into the white, slightly tinged green cream, and numbly began to spread a light layer of it onto the big, rather colorful bruise marring Sirius's left cheek, her mind buzzing with James's ...what? Apology? If anything, it was a terse explanation, with no hint of remorse or expectant of forgiveness, just of acceptance.

And clearly, not at all aimed toward her.

"Well, your stint in the hospital hasn't affected your fighting much. You still can't throw a decent punch." She could feel the vibrations of Sirius's voice on her fingertips as she finished smoothing the cream in, and stared at him in shock.

"Sirius! What-" Her strangled whisper was cut off by a snort.

"This coming from the bloke whose jaw I just fractured!" James attempted to sound indignant, but the effect was ruined by his chuckle. "You're mad." Both men turned and grinned at each other.

"Men are queer creatures." She muttered to herself, shaking her head in bemusement. Sirius turned to face her immediately, a challenging glint in his eye.

"And women are not?" _Touché. _Lily rolled her eyes, and went back to fixing the rest of his small injuries-his cracked lip, the broken skin on his knuckles, the scrapes down his neck.

"I think you've healed every bit of me, Lil." Sirius tugged his sleeves back down, after the redhead had healed a shallow, inch long scratch and a bruise the size of a knut on his forearm. Lily sighed. She'd been stalling as much as possible. Sirius stood up and stretched, forcing her to take a couple steps toward James.

"Well, I'm off to the loo," He announced loudly, and Lily felt a jolt. She'd have to talk to James directly, with no Sirius to act as a buffer. "Now or never," He muttered to her, winking as he passed, cutting across the kitchen to get to the bathroom. Her mind buzzed with questions, forcing her to bit her tongue to stop herself from turning to James and interrogating him. There were things that needed addressing before she could do that.

After all her talk about how she had changed, matured over the past three years, she reverted to her Hogwarts self at that meeting: self-conscious, over-analyzing, judgmental. She still felt justified in what she said; his treatment of her was rude, demeaning, and unacceptable for a healthy, business working relationship. However, she should have taken into account how he must have felt with the whole arrangement. He knew that the topic of why he'd been specifically picked to lead the mission would come up, and probably did not want to go into all that happened to him in a public, muggle place. And, with everything that happened between them, there was more than a couple things which needed worked out before they could ever work together comfortably.

Taking a deep breath, she crossed the remaining feet between them.

"Sorry, that took much longer than I expected. You're probably really hurting by now, since the adrenaline has worn off." He turned to look at her, and she got her first good look at him since bringing him back to her flat. His hair, wilder than usual, stuck up at the front and the back. His wire-rimmed glasses sat skewed somewhat on the bridge of his nose, which had shifted unnaturally to his left cheek, from Sirius's punch. A large purple bruise marred the hollow of both eyes and right cheekbone. Dried blood trailed down from his nose, smeared on both cheeks and his chin. Lily felt a little sick looking at his face, wondering how she missed all of it before.

"It's alright, I feel fine. But really, I don't need you to fix me up. Unbelievable as it is, I've learned how to patch myself up decently enough. So thanks, but I can manage on my own." He stood up quickly, trying to cover his wince with a grin. His words repeated themselves in her mind, "I don't need you.." , causing her to freeze a moment, before the sight of him stiffly walking to the door made her instinctively go into Healer mode.

"James, you're being ridiculous. Sit back down. You are in no state to heal yourself 'decently enough'. Healing is what I do for my job, so I think that I will do much better than how you could do normally, even if you weren't still hung over." She marched over to him, putting her hands firmly on his chest and pushing him back to the stool, noting the slight wince on his face. "Sit!" He complied, a scowl flitting on his face. Grabbing her wand, she set off first on righting his nose back into place, and then cleaning off the dried blood. Lily worked mostly in silence, sometimes muttering spells aloud, trying to think of the best way to approach the subject. She had to smile at the irony of it all. Ever since he left, she always regretted not following Sirius's advice and apologizing straight off, and now, after years of planning out what she should have said, Lily had no idea how to even begin.

"Right," She said, tucking a stray strand of her read hair behind her ear, "I think I've gotten most of your injuries healed. But I do want to check you ribs, I noticed you seemed a little sore getting up earlier." He grunted, shrugging off his jumper and the long sleeved shirt beneath it. She glanced at the clock on her wall to avoid staring at him as he undressed. It was three in the morning. Sirius had been gone for nearly an hour. _He's probably taking a nap in my bed,_ _the git. _She saw a three-inch long black bruise stretched along his side, where his fourth rib should be.

Trying not to dwell too much on the fact that James, though still having a slender frame, had filled out quite a bit since Hogwarts and looked positively fit, she managed to keep her face neutral and mutter a spell that would heal the rib quickly. Then, she grabbed the small tub of Bruise Balm, and proceeded to spread a thin layer on the bruise, attempting to ignore the feeling of goosebumps that rose up on his skin and his firm muscles.

"Merlin, Lily. Why are your fingers so freezing?" Now she felt the heat rush up her neck and over her cheeks.

"It's the cream, James," She said tightly, wishing that he couldn't see her face. There was an uncomfortable tension in the air as she rubbed it in.

"Where's Meadows? Don't you too still share a flat?" Lily had a feeling that he was just trying to fill the silence.

"She's off on something for the Ministry, has been for a month now." Her voice took on a note of sadness, as she thought about how she needed her old friend in situations like this. Another beat of awkward silence. She finally rubbed the cream in, and watched for a moment as the black bruise quickly shrinked and lightened, gathering her courage for what she was about to say.

"James, about what happened at out meeting the other day, I'm sorry." She felt grateful that she had turned away from him, picking up her wand and the balm from the floor. He sighed.

"If this is about what I just told you, about what happened to me...I don't want your pity-" His tone sharpened, spiting out pity like it was a boogey flavored Bertie Botts' Every Flavor Bean. Lily whirled around to face him.

"I'm not pitying you James! I'm trying to apologize for the scene I made, and for everything else!" Her voice had risen; frustrated that this was not at all how she wanted it to go. "You were right! With Gideon and Frank on the team, there would always be a risk of them disregarding the plan and doing something stupid! You did act like a git, but since I treated you like poo for all those years, I suppose I might've deserved that. I'm just sorry, for everything, and I need you to forgive me so we can move on from this and work together." She met his gaze, still feeling a little frustrated and angry.

"Okay," He said, sounding a little surprised, and nodded his head.

"Good," She yawned, the exhaustion finally hitting her from the night's exploits. Checking the clock on the wall, she groaned. "I have to be at St. Mungos in two hours." Dropping the balm and the other little bottles on the floor, she kicked them over to the orange case, watching them roll across the carpet, too tired to lug the thing back into the bathroom cabinet. "You are welcome to crash here tonight. I'm fairly certian that Sirius has made himself quite comfortable in my own bed, so you could take Dorcas's room and I'll just sleep on the couch." A small voice in her head whispered that having him stay over could be awkward, but she pushed it away.

"Thanks, but I'd feel bad making you sleep on the couch in your own home. I'll just pop over to Pete's." He bent down to pick up his clothes from the floor, and began slipping the layers on. Lily watched him, unsure if she should protest more about him leaving, or just let him go and happily take Dorcas's bed.

"Alright, if you're sure." She said finally.

"I am." He straightened, and nearly smiled at her, before turning on his heel, and leaving with a resounding crack. Lily stared blankly for a moment at the spot where he just stood, listening to the quiet, and then stumbled her way into the dark, unused room on the left, not even bothering to take off her boots before falling into bed.

**A/N: So, what did you think? **Once again thanks to all the reviews, especially to **Rose. **I so appreciated what you said.After this chapter, things start moving plot wise. I'm kind of thinking about doing a companion piece to this one, told in James point of view, so it'd be cool if y'all could tell me what you think about that. Also**, it would be awesome if I could reach 60 reviews this chapter! **


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer**: _If I was JK Rowling, I'd be able to get my updates in on time_.

A Matter Of Pride

Chapter 9:

Here We Go

"Sorry I'm running a bit late, I got caught up at work. I hope you haven't waited too long!" Marlene called out to them, shutting the door to Lily's flat.

"Oh, only about forty minutes or so," Sirius smirked at her as she came into the kitchen and took the last chair at table. She smiled sweetly, lifting her middle finger in reply.

"Classy," He noted, raising an eyebrow.

"He was exaggerating, it's only been about ten, but you're fine," Lily interrupted, hoping to end their little banter so that the meeting could actually start. She picked up the sheets of parchment in front of her and absentmindedly shuffled it. Over a month had passed since Alice, Moody, and Gideon were attacked, and _finally_, they were having their first meeting. Realistically, she knew it probably wouldn't be for another couple months until they would actually have some sort of solution, but it felt good knowing that they could move forward, that they were doing _something._

_Here we go. _

"Sirius, can you pass these down?" Lily handed him the stack of papers, saving one for herself. She watched as the stack went around the table, wincing, when for the sixth time, someone bumped elbows and knocked over an empty cup of tea. Really, she should have just accepted Sirius's offer of having it at his place. His table didn't need to be magically enhanced to fit five people, and still barely squeeze in the kitchen. James got the paper last, and Lily watched him carefully as he glanced at it, searching for any type of irritation in his face; They hadn't planned on making an agenda for the meeting, but Lily felt naked without a plan of some sort, and had quickly scribbled one out during her lunch break.

_Nothing. _He quickly skimmed it, and then looked back up with the same calm expression, not even acknowledging her. She shook her head, not quite sure what she'd been expecting.

"Right. You know why you are here. We must find the cause, the cure, and a way to prevent whatever happened to them from happening to anyone else," Lily couldn't help but notice the muscles in his neck and forearms contract and tighten as he spoke, and wished for more than just the three measly inches of space between them. Then, perhaps, she could actually listen to what James was saying.

"I feel like you should have a gravel and a powdered wig, something to bang against the table to make this more official," Sirius mused aloud, the corners of his mouth twitching. James ignored him and continued without pausing.

"It's going to be damn near impossible to do, but we have to succeed. We have no other option," He met the stares of all four other members of the team, and Lily blinked when she saw a certain gleam in his eyes. It wasn't so unlike the manic look he used to get when plotting a particular mad prank, but it seemed to go much deeper. For the first time since he came back, Lily saw a type of emotion in him instead of controlled indifference. For a second, she could almost believe he was the old James.

It unnerved her.

He leaned forward on the table, causing it to creak and his glasses to slip slightly farther down his nose, and began to explain in a terse manner what he had told Lily and Sirius the night they gotten into a fight. Lily observed their reactions, wondering if she was right in picking them for this mission. Sirius doodled idly on the parchment in front of him. Hestia Jones, the awkward brunette on his right, stared at James with wide eyes. Marlene twisted a blonde curl around her pointer finger, face pensive as she listened to James.

"...Dumbledore believes that it's safe to assume that what happened to me, is what is happening to Fabian, Moody, and Alice, or at least, very similar," James leaned back into his chair, pushing his glasses up.

"How did you...wake up then? What can be done to help them?" Marlene asked, with no trace of her playful grin.

" Well, the Healers are unsure of what actually sparked my sudden consciousness. They think it had to do with the right combination of potions they put in me, but I honestly think it had nothing to do with whatever they gave me. One day I just realized that whatever was going on in my head wasn't reality and just woke up," He shrugged. The blonde nodded slowly. Lily frowned, thinking of the vague write up she received from the French hospital.

"Can you clarify what exactly it did to you?," Lily met his gaze calmly, proud that she finally said the words she'd been thinking about ever since he first told he what happened. His lips pressed together. Sirius looked up from his doodles.

"It was a lot like a pensive, I guess. It got a hold of all of my doubts, any moments were I felt ashamed, all of my worst memories and then twisted them, and forced me to relive them, over and over again. I started to forget what was true and what was a lie. After I woke up, I thought my parents hated me, my friends had betrayed me, and that the whole war was propaganda from the Ministry," She nodded, jotting down brief notes for later, noticing how his gaze dropped to the table.

"Hestia, what memory charms do you know that could do this?" The brunette jumped slightly at Lily's unfamiliar brusque tone.

"W-Well, um, as far as I know, not a single spell could manage all of that. It would have to be a certain combination of them, or a new one all together, created specifically for the target. Muto Verum can change memories, Obliviate erases them, for pensives there is no single spell used but rather a certain way of thinking, and then there's Legilimency of course," The brunette dropped her eyes to the table and flushed, feeling uncomfortable with the curious stares directed her way.

"I'm in the process of becoming an Oblivator," She explained, shrugging.

"Could memory charms be transformed into something else, like a potion, gas, or contained in a certain object?" Lily jumped slightly at the sound of James's voice, having been completely lost to thinking about how a person could successfully combine intricate charms such as those. The idea made the tips of her fingers tingle.

"In theory, I guess it's possible, but highly unlikely. It would take years of studying the spells and quite a bit of luck to be able to do it," Hestia said hesitantly.

A pregnant pause filled the room.

"I bet it's a girl," Sirius announced, effectively dissolving the tension in the air. He leaned back in his chair, lifting the front legs of it several inches off the ground, teetering precariously. Lily bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from smiling.

"What in Merlin's name are you talking about?" James said, his voice nearly choked with laughter.

"Oh don't listen to him. He's probably rambling about some drunken one night stand that possibly produced a love child," Marlene said, wrinkling her nose. Hestia not so subtly scooted her chair a couple inches away from him, and bumped elbows with James. The front legs of Sirius's chair hit the floor.

"Actually," He paused, turning to look straight at the blonde, "I was talking about the person who created this whole mess,"

"Which would be Voldemort, and unless I'm not mistaken, he is definitely male," She crossed her arms, and leaned toward Sirius slightly.

"Definitely male?" His eyebrows waggled and the corners of his mouth lifted up in a smirk. He began to close the distance between them, "Tell me, Miss McKinnon, how _do_ you know that for sure? Have you..." Lily nudged James foot underneath the table, causing him to look sharply at her. She gestured at the two next to her.

"Sirius," James's harsh tone made his friend break eye contact with Marlene and straighten.

"What makes you think Voldemort didn't create it?"

"What makes you think he did?

"Well, from what Hestia has told us, the person who made this thing had to have an advanced knowledge of the spells, be incredibly powerful, and innovative. And considering the purpose of it, he had to take pleasure in torturing people," James said, his voice taking on a lighter tone.

"I agree. But from what we have learned about the inner workings of his whole operation, we know that his resources are pretty much unlimited. With new people joining his side everyday, there is no definite number of Death Eaters. He has Inferi, some giants, werewolves, goblins, and other creatures among his group too.

"He has to control all of this, making sure everyone only knows what they need to, keeping tabs on what they are doing, where they are. He doesn't have the time to be involved with the details of every little scheme. He delegates most of his mundane duties to His most trusted. Why would he use his time to try and experiment with this, instead of order someone else to do it, and keep him updated with how it is going?" Marlene turned to Sirius, a bemused expression fixed on her face. He, for once in the meeting, didn't look at her and now seemed to be silently communicating something to James.

"In their reports, it says that they overheard a conversation between Evan Rosier and an unknown man, with light brown hair and dark eyes. That's where they got the tip from," Lily announced, after ruffling through the stack of parchment in her hand.

"Ah, another one of my dear cousins," Sirius bit out, nodding his head once in recognition, "Brown hair and dark eyes, you said? Yes, that clearly sounds like someone I have never came across before. Rosier was probably just training a newbie,"

"What was the tip off about?" Hestia asked. Lily ran her hand through her hair and sighed.

"A secret meeting of some sort. The Order refuses to give us any more information on it, no matter how many times I ask, but we are working on that," Out of the corner of her eye, Lily spotted the muscle in James's cheek twitch. They've discussed how to encourage the Order to release the information multiple times over the past couple of days, and just barely managed to keep both their tempers in check. It involved James having to excuse himself from the fireplace for a minute doing who knows what, and Lily silently counting to herself, biting her lip to the point where it bled, and sometimes casting a silence charm on herself and screaming. So far, the best idea they came up with is to make a personal visit to Dumbledore and plead their case.

"Do you think Rosier knew what was going to happen to them? Obviously he knew that they were following him, and led them into a trap, but do you think he knew anything beyond that?" Marlene said, rubbing at her chipped scarlet nail polish.

"Maybe. It depends on how high up he is in the Inner Circle. I think he definitely knows who that other bloke was though. I say we interrogate him," A certain spark flared up in Sirius's eyes as he said this. Lily felt a surge of adrenalin at his words, and nodded her head in agreement, as did Hestia and Marlene.

"How long will it take to make VeritaserumLily?" James asked. Lily thought for a moment.

"Around a month," He nodded.

"That will give us enough time to put a shadow on Rosier, learn his routine, see if he gets in contact with the man that was mentioned," His glasses slipped down to the tip of his nose again, as he quickly scribbled on the agenda Lily made.

"Who can make a potion somewhat decently?" Lily and Hestia both raised their hands.

"Brilliant. You two make up a schedule to get it done before the end of April. I'll need the dates everyone has free for the next month, and then I'll put together a schedule for keeping track of Mr. Rosier, and send it out to everyone thru the Floo network. Okay?" James glanced around the room, "meeting dismissed!" He clapped his hands, and then ran his hand thru his hair, looking over his notes.

Marlene left first. After squeezing Sirius's right arm and whispering something into his ear, she saluted James with a smirk, and dispparated. Hestia followed soon after, telling Lily softly that she'd check her work schedule tomorrow and get back to her. Lily stood up to put the dirty teacups into her sink, leaving Sirius and James sitting at the table, talking in mumbled tones. Once out of sight of the others, she leaned her forehead up against the cool door of her fridge, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.

It had been a long week. You-Know-Who's recent recruits needed some training, and so he set them off at Hogsmade to test out all the new spells they've learned and to see how much damage they could create in one hour. It resulted in thirty new intensive care patients at St. Mungos. This, along with her desperate attempts to coordinate a meeting with her team, get the necessary information from the Order, and try to keep some peace between her and James, left little time for the little luxuries of life, like sleeping more than two hours, showering, and sitting down to eat.

In place of the adrenaline (which was now rapidly seeping out of her body), she felt a familiar wave of weariness hit her. Opening the door to one of her cabinets, she eagerly took out a small glass vial, uncorked it, and quickly gulped it down before leaving the kitchen to join the others at the table.

"...could really work, you know? Finally, I'd get my answers...", James trailed off once he saw Lily and tucked a piece of parchment into his pocket. "Well, I guess I better be off. The Ministry will be expecting me. The agenda was a good idea," He nodded at her, and began heading toward the door of her flat. Lily winced inwardly, thinking of its complete uselessness to the meeting. "I'll owl you with some times that could work for us to plan the next step tomorrow,"

"Yes, that should be fine," He nodded once more and started to lift his wand. "Oh and, um, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind seeing if the French Ministry could send over your file, so I could look it over?" Lily shut her mouth and pressed her lips together before she rambled on anymore, and shifted her weight to her right foot.

"I will do that. See you Sirius," He pivoted and, with a pop, was gone.

"If you wouldn't mind so terribly much, could you _please _contact the French Ministry to send over your file, so that I could maybe read over it? I wouldn't want to cause you any _trouble_ sir," Sirius went into a high falsetto, mimicking a simpering tone, nothing, Lily thought, like her own.

"Oh shut it," She punched him in the arm, rolling her eyes.

"What? I was just letting you know what the two of you sound like, politely making arses out of yourselves," He widened his eyes, feigning innocence. Lily snorted.

"I could tell you how you and the lovely Miss McKinnon sound, taunting-" He cut her off before she could finish, grimacing.

"Alright, alright, I'm leaving," Sirius pecked her on the cheek before disapparating. Lily shook her head, and went to sit on her lumpy couch, just as an owl flew in, bearing a letter with a crossed wand and bone imprinted on the seal. The redhead groaned, and summoned her green robes.

**A/N**: Alright. Sorry this took a ridiculous amount of time to get out. I was expecting to have it done before the end of April but life got in the way of my plans. Let me know what you thought of this chapter. The next one will have some action. **For those of you who didn't like the last chapter :**I know James seems a little cold and jerkish, but give him some time. He's dealing with a lot-having to work with the woman who ripped out his heart, trying to come to terms with what happened to him and the aftereffects of that (he's a little bit in denial), and trying to salvage his relationship with his best friend..._and_ some other things. Lily didn't forgave him and assume everything's lovely and right with the world last chapter, she just told him that she is going to try leave the past in the past, so they can work together, and tried to be polite. Sirius missed his best friend, and frankly, he's a boy. He got out his anger in the fight they had.

**Thanks to all who have reviewed**: You literally made my day, and pushed me to write, so keep them coming!

**Please don't favorite/alert without leaving a review! **


	10. Chapter 10

_If I was JK, then I would be able to update more than every 9 months. _

**Quick Recap**:

_Dorcas showed up at her and Lily's apartment, in severe need of medical treatment from a mission gone wrong. She convinces Lily to look at the picture of James and his fiancé. Then, she headed out for another Auror mission. James and Lily have a polite semi-working relationship. They have not gotten full disclosure of Moody, Alice, and Frank's mission yet, but in the vague details given, it is revealed a conversation between Evan Rosier ( a death eater trainer/ recruiter) gave the three a tip off, and hence led them to a trap. It is decided that he will be followed. _

A Matter of Pride

Chapter 10:

Our Friend Mr. Rosier

A woman ducked into an alleyway and quickly pulled out an eight-inch, thin stick of wood and pointed it toward herself. Her long, honey colored hair began to shorten and darken to a light brown just at her shoulders. The cloak she wore wrapped around her torso like a cocoon and then morphed into a hooded blue jacket, and strangely enough, she almost appeared to grow an inch taller. She slipped the stick up her left sleeve and stepped back out onto the main street. The whole process took just over thirty seconds. Stopping at a shop window, her bright green eyes followed the reflection of a man on the opposite side of the street. He was now going into a little café.

"Odd," Lily said, eyebrows furrowed. She walked briskly across the street, wary of the traffic around her.

Lily entered the café, and a nondescript woman immediately caught her attention. She had a very Dorcas like posture-one elbow propped up on the table, leaned back in the chair, fingers were tapping a rhythm on the surface of the table. Her expression was one of boredrum. Smiling, the newly brunette slipped into the chair across from her. The beat stopped.

"Good afternoon Lucy," Lily said, picking up a menu, "I'm simply famished. What are you having?" The drumming resumed.

"I was thinking about the sausage and onion sandwich,"

"Oh? I don't see that here. Where is it?"

"On the right," Slightly, Lily angled her chin and her eyes flickered over to a couple, seated several tables to their right.

"Ah. I think I'll get the chicken and bacon club, or perhaps the cheese and chutney sandwich..." Lifting the menu closer, as if to study the pictures more closely, her eyes darted once again to the strange pair.

"What have they been doing so far?" She murmured.

"Nothing much, just chatting. Our friend doesn't seem too comfortable here," Dorcas said equally soft, her lips twitching upwards. Lily slapped her menu down on the table, upsetting her silverware, and let out a quite believable 'shoot!' as she bent down to pick up a fork, eyes fixed on the man not too far from her. Dorcas was right. Their "friend", the estimable Mr. Evan Roiser sat stiff on his chair. Despite the warmth of the room, his cloak remained fastened on tightly, his hands, gloved with black leather, were clenched in his lap, and his water was left completely untouched. Most telling was his pinched mouth. His acquaintance, on the other hand, looked quite at ease. His coat hung on the back of his chair and he leaned forward on the edge of the table.

"Indeed," Rosier was known for his absolute aversion of everything muggle. From what they observed over the past two weeks, he was man of consistency. Why would he put himself so far out of his comfort zone?

"He's a rather interesting candidate. Not like the others," Dorcas's eyes suddenly flashed and the tapping stopped. She stiffened, her hand dropping from the table to the front pocket of her jeans. Heart racing, Lily turned to face the pair several feet away, keenly aware of her own wand's weight pressing on her wrist, and saw Rosier draw a white handkerchief from his pocket. He wiped the rim of his glass slowly, and left it lying on the table as he lifted the water to his lips.

"Jumpy, Lucy? You nearly gave me a heart attack," The former redhead let out a shallow chuckle as she turned back around. Dorcas rubbed her face tiredly.

"Sorry. I'm a bit trigger-happy. You have no idea how good it feels not to be sitting at a desk right now. Honestly, I don't know how I'm going to survive,"

"How long are you benched for again?"

"Indefinitely," She pulled a face.

"And the reason for this is...," Dorcas had rarely spoken since she had gotten back. She spent her time at the office doing fact checks, grumpily watching muggle news on the telly, or sleeping. It was strange for Lily to bump into her whenever she came home from work or Order duties. When Marlene owled her one hour before their shift, with a rather general excuse for not being able to make it, Dorcas immediately asserted herself to fill the place. It was the first time she smiled since she returned.

"I did something stupid while on assignment a while back, and I thought it wouldn't have much of an effect, but this past trip proved that wrong. I've been declared a risk to all future missions,"

"What happened?" The rhythm faltered.

"That, mon ami, is confidential," The waiter then interrupted and took their orders.

"Oh, I forgot to ask earlier, how are things going with Jimmy-boy?" Dorcas asked casually. The questioned made Lily's lips tighten for a second.

"Things are going fine, I guess," She took a sip of water.

"Has he changed much?"

"Well...he dresses much better these days," She angled her spoon to catch the somewhat warped reflection of the pair.

"Oh come on. You know that's not what I meant. I need details!" Lily smiled at the abrupt switch in her tone.

"There's not much to tell. Everything between us is strictly professional,"

"Well, that's disappointing," Her voice rose slightly from the previous softer level.

"My apologies," Lily rolled her eyes. Dorcas opened her mouth to speak, but a sudden loud clatter and shrill scream caused all conversation to cease. The whole café fell silent and turned to look for the source of the panicked noise. A server had, for some reason, dropped a tray carrying a salad and a bowl of soup on the floor. The server stared at the mess of food in horror, face white, slowly backing away.

"What is it?" Someone asked, his voice carrying through in the silence. The server glanced up in the direction of the person, shook her head, and let out a final wordless shriek before rushing to the kitchen doors. The closest to the food spill eyed it warily. Then, conversation resumed.

"Could that be our friend's work?" Lily asked quietly.

"I-,"

"Get it off me! Get it off me! Get it off me!" A woman, only a table away from theirs stood up suddenly, and began to desperately brush her clothes off.

"Harold! Help me! Get these off me!" She cried at the man seated across from her, who reluctantly stood also. The room fell silent again.

"Can't you see them? They won't get off!" Tears now streamed down her face as she fisted her shirt.

"No, I can't," He stood a foot away from her, hesitant to touch her. She grasped his hand and placed it on the edge of her shirt. "Nothing's there, I feel nothing," He said in a calming tone. Then much softer, "Sit down, your making a scene,"

"But _I_ can feel them!" Lily felt sick at the woman's sheer terror. That was answer enough. The tip of her wand slipped to the center of her left palm. Biting her lip, she considered her options. She had no idea what spell this was. She had never heard of it. The only way to ensure that it ended would be to render the spell caster unconscious. And since she wasn't completely sure who had cast the spell, she'd have to take them both out in one attempt. The blasting curse could work.

"Lily, wait," She looked back at Dorcas.

"You almost pulled your wand for him drawing out a napkin," She challenged, trying to check her temper. Dorcas ignored that.

"If we help, the mission is blown. We're here to observe, nothing else," Lily gritted her teeth and slid her wand back up her sleeve to the top of her wrist. Harold dragged his lady away and exited the café. She was still yelling when as the door shut.

"Fine," Dorcas met her stony gaze calmly. Then, the clunk of wood against the hard floor accompanied by a girlish scream made Lily's nerves snap.

"No more of this," She muttered, and before Dorcas could react, Lily stood up, and quickly made her way over to the commotion. As she passed Rosier's table, she caught the self-satisfied smirk on the recruit, and nearly lost control of herself.

"Da! Oh someone help! I don't know what's wrong," The brunette pushed her way past the crowd forming around the base of a table. A middle aged man laid on the floor, his arms and legs jerking spasmodically. By his side, kneeled a girl who had to be in her early teens. She was crying.

"It's alright, I'm a nurse," Lily crouched next to the girl, placing her hand on her shoulder. "Everyone needs to back up, now," She said firmly, quickly meeting the eyes of those circling them. She nearly jumped, seeing Dorcas at the forefront. She nodded at Lily, and moved to the other side of the girl.

"Hey, it will be okay, duckie," The girl shifted slightly to Dorcas, who in turn took her small hand and squeezed it. Lily re-focused on the man in front of her. His eyes were only slits of white. A light red foam gurgled from his mouth, dripping down onto the collar of his shirt. His skin was tinged with blue.

"It's just a generalized seizure. It won't last for long, and will have very little effect on him," Lily shot a gentle smile at the girl, and then all chaos broke out.

The lights of the café shut off, the windows shattered, and an unmistakable crack filled the air. Sounds of confusion, panic, fear overwhelmed the initial silence that followed.

Lily took a deep breath. She was tired of sudden, unwelcome noises.

The man next to her stilled. Then, a thought hit her.

"They got away," she murmured, "They got away,"

The image of the recruit's twisted mouth came to her mind; her stomach contracted painfully, her throat tightened, and she vomited.

**A/N: **I know. It's been forever since I updated this. Long story short: Evan Rosier (role and background) and the recruiting process was very difficult to sort out. There are about 5 very different versions of this chapter, all at various unfinished stages, with a wide range of characters. I was nearly driven mad. It was a very james-less chapter, but next chapter will have a lot of James... and his lovely fiancé. (woop!) **IMPORTANT: Previous chapters are in the process of being re-edited**. Chapters 1-4 are done now. Just some minor details that have been bugging me: Alice is now married to Frank. Alastor Moody is now not referred to as Mad-eye yet in this time zone. And other minor errors. **Also, **the recap- was it helpful or unneeded?

**Thanks to all who have reviewed! **: For realz. They help me so much.

**Please don't favorite/alert without leaving a review! **


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